The Art of Forgiveness: Why Healing is a Journey, Not a Destination

In the latest episode of Soul Therapy, I sat down with the beautifully insightful Rachael Coops to talk about her book, The Art of Forgiveness. It’s not your typical self-help guide, no rigid steps, no pressure to "move on" quickly, no unrealistic promises. Instead, it's an invitation: a gentle, deeply human exploration of what forgiveness really means in the messiness of life.

As a therapist, I’ve walked alongside many souls navigating pain, grief, loss resentment, and trauma. Forgiveness often sits at the center of that healing, but it’s rarely clear-cut. That’s why Rachael’s book resonated so powerfully. Through heartfelt storytelling, grounded philosophy, and soulful curiosity, she offers a companion-like presence on the path to letting go.

A Book Born from Curiosity and Conversation

The idea for The Art of Forgiveness was sparked during the pandemic when Rachael penned an article on mindfulness and forgiveness. But what began as a brief exploration soon evolved into a profound, expansive journey, one filled with unexpected interviews, profound philosophical insights, and stories from individuals grappling with regret, betrayal, and the process of healing.

“I never intended to interview 25 people,” Rachael shared during our conversation. “But as I started talking about the book, those conversations just found me. And they opened up the vastness of what forgiveness could really look like.”

The result is a book that feels more like a walk with a friend than a lecture from a guru. Each chapter closes with reflective prompts and practices breathwork, movement, and journaling tools to bring your body, heart, and spirit into the healing process.

Forgiveness Isn’t Linear; It’s a Spiral

Like many of us, Rachael assumed forgiveness was a final destination: something to check off the list when we’re finally over the pain. But as she wrote, researched, and listened, she discovered that forgiveness moves more like a spiral, looping back, surfacing again in unexpected ways, inviting us to go deeper.

“There were things I thought I had made peace with,” she said. “But new seasons of life brought those same wounds back into the light, just from a different angle.”

This is such an important truth. Forgiveness isn’t one and done. It’s washing the dishes, again and again. It’s the courage to re-enter the space of hurt and say, “I’m ready to sit with this now.” And sometimes, that means forgiving ourselves for not being there yet.

When Holding On Makes Us Sick

One of the most impactful parts of our conversation was when Rachael shared how holding onto resentment impacted her health. During her years as a single mum touring with a newborn, the emotional load caught up with her. Chronic fatigue, immune system breakdown, burnout, her body was screaming what her spirit had long been whispering: You cannot carry all of this alone.

Science confirms what many of us know intuitively, that unprocessed anger, stress, and rumination can literally make us sick. Forgiveness isn’t just emotional or spiritual; it’s physiological. Our nervous systems need release. Our immune systems need relief. And our hearts need compassion, especially from ourselves.

Letting Go Without Denial

Here’s what The Art of Forgiveness gets so right: Forgiveness is not about pretending nothing happened. It’s not about bypassing pain or dismissing trauma. In fact, as Rachael and I discussed, true forgiveness often starts by fully feeling what happened, by acknowledging the impact, and honoring the wound.

But then comes the choice: do I want to live here forever? Or can I allow some light in? That light might come in the form of a boundary, a conversation, a period of rest, or a radical reframe of how life "should" look.

Forgiveness doesn’t always mean reconciliation. It doesn’t even require the other person’s involvement. Sometimes, the most healing work we do is whispering to ourselves: I forgive you.

Reframing the Shitshow

One of the most beautiful takeaways from this episode came when Rachael shared a story of a long-anticipated trip to Paris with her son, only to fracture her kneecap the day they were meant to fly. The trip was physically painful, slow, and not at all what she’d imagined. And yet, it became magical in a different way. Card games in cafes. Slow walks. Deep connection.

“I had to reframe what was possible,” she said. “But in that, I discovered a new kind of presence.”

Life rarely looks the way we plan. But when we stop striving for perfection, clean floors, tidy emotions, flawless forgiveness, we open the door to something richer: intimacy, acceptance, real connection.

We’re All Still Learning

Even after writing this book, Rachael admits she’s no expert. “Every time I talk about it, I learn something new,” she said. And isn’t that the point? To keep evolving, to stay curious, to stay soft in a hard world?

Forgiveness isn’t a mountain to conquer. It’s a garden to tend, sometimes overgrown, sometimes barren, but always worth returning to with love.

Want to Begin Your Own Forgiveness Journey?

Start slow. Let curiosity lead. Pick up The Art of Forgiveness by Rachael Coops and read it like a love letter to yourself. Not for who you should be, but for who you are, mess and all.

And remember, you’re not alone in this work. We’re walking the staircase together.

Hear the full conversation

Listen to Episode 30 & 31: The Art of Forgiveness on Soul Therapy, with Chelle now.