Beyond Difficult: Navigating Relationships with Compassion and Clarity
Conflict is something most of us try to avoid, yet difficult people and challenging conversations are an inevitable part of life. In a recent episode of Soul Therapy, with Chelle, I sat down with psychologists and co-authors Rachel Sampson and Dr. Jessie Stern to discuss their new book, Beyond Difficult.
This practical and compassionate guide is designed to help readers understand why people behave the way they do, how our own histories and temperaments shape interactions, and most importantly, how to respond with clarity, empathy, and healthy boundaries.
Why “Difficult” Is Subjective
Rachel and Jessie highlight that “difficult” is not a universal label; it’s shaped by our own perceptions, histories, and tolerance levels. What one person finds challenging, another might brush off. Often, difficult behaviours stem from early attachment experiences, temperament, and learned relationship patterns.
“Our hope,” Rachel says, “is that readers gain insight into why people might be difficult and have practical strategies ready for their next encounter.”
Dr Jessie adds, “We wrote the book we sometimes needed in our own lives.” Combining Rachel’s clinical expertise with Jessie’s research background, Beyond Difficult bridges science and everyday application.
The Power of Perspective
A central theme in their work is reframing behaviour as communication. When we see beyond the surface reaction, whether it’s anger, criticism, or withdrawal, we can ask, What’s really going on here?
Sometimes, as in the example Jessie shared of a business partner’s angry outburst, the real message underneath is vulnerability: “Don’t leave me, I’m going to miss you.”
By shifting from personalising the behaviour to understanding the root cause, we move from reactivity to empathy, without excusing harmful actions.
Practical Strategies for Handling Difficult Interactions
The authors offer tools you can apply immediately:
Safety first – Ensure you’re grounded before responding. People can’t hear you when they feel threatened.
Assess the relationship – Not every situation warrants equal energy or a detailed response.
Reflective listening – Paraphrase back what you’ve heard to show the other person they’re seen and understood.
Validation without agreement – Acknowledge someone’s perspective without needing to share it.
These strategies help defuse tension, open space for constructive dialogue, and protect your own well-being.
Highly Sensitive People and Misunderstood Reactions
Rachel and Jessie also discuss the traits of highly sensitive individuals, those who process their environment deeply and react more strongly to subtle cues. While this heightened awareness can be a strength, it can also make interactions with prickly personalities more emotionally taxing.
Recognising these dynamics helps sensitive people honour their needs without internalising someone else’s behaviour as personal.
Why This Book Matters Now
From co-workers to family members, strangers in traffic to close friends, we’re all navigating complex human interactions. Beyond Difficult is a reminder that change is possible in ourselves and in our relationships at any stage of life.
“It’s never too late,” Jessie says. “Attachment is not fixed. We can always work toward greater security.”
🎧 Want to hear more of Rachel and Jessie’s insights?
Listen to the full episode of Soul Therapy, with Chelle to discover more stories, examples, and practical tips from Beyond Difficult.
Hear the full conversation
Listen to Episode 34 & 35: Beyond Difficult with co-authors Rachel Samson & Dr. Jessie Stern on Soul Therapy, with Chelle.